2007. English

Peach Melba Dreams
2007-01-09

There's hell/heaven/earth a difference b'tween December 31st and January the 1st. Huge difference. At least this year.

Dec. 31st was a nice ana clean day. A little bit iirritating and uncertain at timees though, because of our "culture of celebration".
I just wanted to be like everybody else. Big mistake.
It was a sunday, and colourse were bright; we got a pool party on the afetrnoon after the family lunch. our extended family was thwere. We were there. God wanted us to be together, 'cause he brought some news.

Before the year ended, we all broke in tears, we fell in despair. We have our times, God has his/her/its own schedule.

January the first was a completely different story. I slept most part of the day, we were travelling. Miles away some people mourned our dear dear relative. And looked us with that cold look, with suspicious thoughts and bitterness.

This year, I've had one or two moments that i would like to call my "dream pieces". I was on my car, on my way home, resting my eyes. Then i opened them an the whole scenario was bright, the colours started to vanish and the sun bathed all things in a delicate white light. I felt like in a dream and everything moved quite slow, the sun changed one more time and started to get its yellow bright again. And for about a second it looked to me that those buildings across the street has the colour of my dreams. Between ripe peaches and yellow plums...no no no; i've got it now: it was peach melba. thew were monotonous grey buildings covered by a dreamy peach melba light.
And today, i've seen the beauty of the sunset reflected in the mirror of another building. And it was a delicate melon dream, under the oft melody of a saxophone.

Just for the record, i hate buildings.

But 2007 started special, and from one minute to the other everything had changed. As when we celebrate new year's eve.
My eye is capturing the beuty of miserable things. I whish i could do the same with the rest of my existence.

Shoes Problem
2007-01-27

Let's face it. I'm a material girl and yeah we actually LIVE in a material world. And it's very tiring.

It's tiring because we just can't live trying to cover our expectations up, expectations which are made by the paradigm of a worlld without sense. As mankind we have became extremely selfish. And some of this 21st century plague has infested my blood since my childhood. Did you know that recently the "APA" listed shpping addiction as a mental illness? (ok. I don't know if it was the APA but written like that sounds pretty cool =P).

Ok, ok. Maybe i'm just the opposite case of a compulsive buyer but that doesn't mean that I'm not governed by this bloody materialism. Why am I telling you this? Because I have this HUGE confession to make:

I love shoes!!!!
and I loooooooooove purses and I luv purses and shoes combined together, or bags combining w/ my clothes.
And I also love parfums. And none of these "guilty pleasures" are cheap. At all....

But when I see a pair of shoes that I like, I can't help it. I just stare at them and wish I had the money to buy them. And sometimes, when I DO have the money it's not a wish anymore. And I have tons of bags in lots of colours and when I go to University I do combine my bag colour with my clothes. And I feel like I'm the most fashionable girl on the planet. And yup, I have a parfum, and besides thet the "everyday cologne" which, is cheaper though not that common.

You might think that this is nothing, but that' me maybe too structured. I'm not used to self rewards, or buying things just because I'm depressed. But my confession is that I'd love to be that kind of lady sometimes!! I actually had problems because of buying shoes (look up in my spanish version 2005 posts).
And I'm not a thankful person. And for me, that's one of te worse consequences of materialism in my life. Because I can't go deeper. I can't thank the intention or the effort, I just value the result, and this could happen in all levelsand spheres of our lives.

Materialism is one of the ways to represent selfishness. We can't go beyond ourselves.

And what's my answer?
Let go. Ask for wisdom. I can't break the cycle or our world's paradigm. But I know someone who can.

Carrots in the sky
2007-03-07

Since today was my first day of classes, it felt just right to write.
Since I haven0t seen my classmate in the whole summer, it felt right to go to a pub some days ago to drink some mojitos an tequilas and have fun.
It felt just right tongive them a big hug and blessed them. And pray for them and for the whole University.
It felt right to accepr a bunch of sweet responsibilities and have to write gigantic pieces of writing.

Everything felt right today.

So I still don't understand why I'm seeing carrots in the sky.

I felt like I've just turn 13 again
2007-04-12

I wish
Sometimes I just realise that I'm the same girl, with same issues, but more friends and confidence and loads of Blessings.
But when you look inside you still find someione who happens to be too shy. In despite of being sociable-at-times

I hate meeting new people
But I love to make new friends

There are days, when all things got mixed up and I just can't deal with that little fact.

I just can't be friendly just because, though my heart dies to say: "Let's talk I really wanna be your friend; you seem so interesting, you're an awesomeperson"

OMG Why I can't do that??

waaaaaaaaaaaaa

The purpose of Flowers
2007-05-09

One of my favourite things from God's creation is flowers. I love them; how beautiful they are, how some of them swing along with the air while others remain calm; their fragility, the impressive way they can be in the most horrible landscape just to remind us that God is there.

That's the purpose of flowers. They remind us how fragile things, sometimes beatiful sometimes without importance, even pointless stuff are part of God's worries. That he takes us and puts us in the most horrible places but he also cares about us.

If God takes care of lillies imagine the way He cares for us!!

I've never received flowers except from my parents. I wish this could change soon.

Cool Winter
2007-07-24

Last summer was and odd one.
I worked the entire season and I couldn't have a proper rest.

Just disillusions.
And God testing my nerves.

Then I entered with no many expectations to the Fall term..and now I'm living the coolest winter ever.

Love my new friends, Love them. A lot. Love hanging out with them, love the sense of belonging and the way we just connect and a look is enought to say what you mean.

Ahhh.

Life is so cool and I've been so blessed.

And I feel in the mood to thank the blessings

I Hope Spring Term will bring new joy to my days!

Eyes Burn
2007-11-06

My eyes are swallow and burning as hell. Mi mind collapsed and my heart is not okay. I'm trying to get back to normal i know I will. It's just that it's hard and I need help.

I always get amazed with people and their capacity to change. Take the girl two computers away from me. She used to be simple, she used to dress in black. She had black and red hair and a big t shirt. Now she is blonde, looking down on people and dressed with bright colors. Dude, you don't need to understand it. neither do I.

It was supposed to be an amazing spring time. I imagined I would live the best year of my life. I've found people that I never thougt I would find. People stated to become really important to me and then I messed everything up. Shoot. Then I turned everything into disaster. And I feel guilty, and dumb because there's nothing so important to make such a big deal of it. I'm drowning in a glass of water.

I know.
I know that I know and what I have to do.

But somehow, I can't make things go back to normal I can't overcome this situation, my feelings are out of control. I just can't.

But I want to. And I have faith.

I'll try to stop crying.